


of faces and phases

by galaxygerbil



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-04 18:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxygerbil/pseuds/galaxygerbil
Summary: Yeri is a girl turning into a woman in front of millions of eyes. Wendy is a part of it, somehow, in a way that only hopeless first loves are.





	1. cognizance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeri slowly figures something out.

Since two years before Red Velvet’s debut and three years before hers, there had always been tension between Wendy and Yeri.

There was a dark, looming, heavy pressure that neither of them could name. Irene and Seulgi noticed it too, of course. They’ve known Yeri for too long to not see the knot that formed in between her shoulder blades and the furrow between her brows when Wendy appeared. It was inevitable, they said, that Yeri would find someone she didn’t get along with. _That’s just life, Yerim-ah_. But that wasn’t what was wrong— not exactly. It wasn’t the clash of opposing personalities that was the elephant in the room. It was something else.

Irene was the safest among them, being the oldest. She took care of Yeri like an older sister would her younger. She watched Yeri grow up, cooked her meals and ironed her clothes. She was the one who worried over her when she got wet from the rain, tutting and tucking her into bed. Irene was a sister, or even a mother. She was old enough to be part of the other groups, but she had to stay. She had to lead, with her quiet presence. That was who Irene was to Yeri.

Seulgi was safe, too, though not as much as Irene. She had years ahead of them in training; that was something they would never catch up to. Seulgi was sure, Seulgi was strong. She was a pillar whom all of them adored. Sometimes, Seulgi would look at Yeri like she was a star cast down from the heavens. Maybe she reminded her of herself. Younger and less desperate, experiencing things earlier than she did. When they were too tired, Seulgi took their hands and pulled them through endless nights, teaching them that the hurt was worth it. Seulgi was a mentor.

If anything, it should have been Joy. She was the only one who ever took Yeri seriously or treated her like an equal. She asked Yeri for advice, on boys and school and the industry, like they were best friends behind all the glamour. They were. Joy never treated her like a child. Their friendship was pure and wholesome, and Yeri was thankful, because although she was okay with being babied she didn’t love it. It helped that her and Joy’s personalities were so alike as well, though in retrospect it probably didn’t help at all. Joy was a good friend.

Wendy... was pleasant enough that Yeri thought she was safer than Joy. She baked goods and gave gifts and touched so very, very lightly that Yeri would almost think she imagined it. Wendy was stumped, somewhere between Seulgi and Joy, on how to treat her. She had Seulgi’s age but not her wisdom. Joy’s experience but not her spirit. She didn’t know where she really stood, one foot in the role of older sister (which she had no idea how to be) and the other in the role of a colleague (even though they were five years apart and Yeri had leagues of training over her).

It also probably didn’t help that, early on, before Yeri was the fifth girl of a group everyone was side-eyeing, the company suggested to present a bond between Joy and Wendy that didn’t actually exist. The managers agreed that there wasn’t enough of a relationship between Joy and Wendy besides that they started training roughly at the same time. They needed a fluid connection between all members, because to have any weak links would devastate Red Velvet and they stood on such shaky grounds already. Upon understanding the conditions, Wendy and Joy agreed to their terms. They would show a united front where Wendy was absolutely smitten with the younger girl, and Joy was shy but receptive. Wendy admired Irene, had a best friend in Seulgi, and was Joy’s biggest fan.

So where did that leave Yeri?

 

* * *

**I.**

* * *

 

The 19 year old came back to what she thought would be an empty dorm. Irene and Seulgi went on one of their “kidult” days, shopping or eating somewhere. Joy went back home. _Seungwan-unnie_ , she thought, _would probably with the other unnies or something_. She never stayed at the dorm when Yeri would be the only other person with her.

“Yerim-ah, you’re back.” she heard a voice come from the kitchen. Which meant that it was Wendy, because the kitchen was only ever her or Irene’s domain, and Irene was always too tired these days.

“Yeah.”

“How was school?”

“Don’t really wanna talk about it.”

She placed her bag down in the living area and laid on the couch, draping an arm over her eyes. Today wasn't that bad, actually. Just regular classroom exercises, classroom gossip, classroom drama. It felt good to be with people other than her members, but every second of today still felt too long.

It was because Yeri was feeling so _sick_. Sick from a flu on its way to taking over her, yeah, but also sick of performances and shows back to back and to top it all off, school. She just wanted to get their ten-year anniversary over with so she could produce songs and relax in the studio, becoming a nameless face in the crowd once again. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the fame and glory they promised, it was just that it felt so routinary. How many #1s until they’ve had enough? How many tours? How many awards? How far did they have to go until they determined it was time to stop?

She groaned when she realized she dozed off. The lights were out and there was a bowl of soup on the table with a note beside it.

 _Have some soup, Yerim-ah. More portions in the fridge. I went out._  
_And next time, ask me for help with homework._  
_~Seungwan-unnie_

With a pained sigh, Yeri crumpled the note and threw it away before diving into the delicious meal prepared.

It was decided by SM that their first comeback for the coming year would be similar to _Russian Roulette_. The critical success of their pop releases, in comparison to their ballads, was undeniable. Preparations went full throttle as soon as they stepped foot into the new year, and that meant more work for all of them, but most especially for Yeri.

 

* * *

 

_For Yerim-ah. No one else is allowed to eat this!!! (⋋_⋌)_

She carefully stood back up from the fridge after seeing the food packed inside of it. It wasn’t unusual for Wendy to prepare her food, and Yeri never really seriously thought the girl would put anything weird in it, but… She felt weird. _I’m getting sick agai_ n, she considered. _That must be it_

Footsteps could be heard from the hallway as the lights in the kitchen switched on. It was nearing 6am already. “Ready to go? Manager-unnie is waiting outside,” she heard Irene say from behind her, peeking at what she was holding. “Seungwan-ah must’ve worked on that last night. Sorry I wasn’t the one to make food for you.”

If Irene was expecting her to rebuke, she waited for nothing. Yeri simply gave her a shrug and an unimpressed stare. “Food is food.”

The older girl sent her an unimpressed look back. “Mhmm. Make sure to thank her when you get back.”

Yeri chose not to reply to that as she wore her freshly ironed uniform. She grabbed her bag and checked the keys attached to the strap. Good. Palmed her pocket to see if her phone was there. Also good. “I’ll be going now.”

“Be safe,” Irene murmured. She watched Yeri crumple the note, not even bothering to throw it in the bin.

 

* * *

 

“I thought I told you to ask me for help the next time you did homework.”

Yeri looked up from the coffee table she worked at and saw Wendy by the door frame, the clock above her head reading 2:26am. The older girl had a tired smile on her face, and— yup— there was that weird feeling again.

She went back to the paper in front of her, way too tired to deal with this. “You didn't tell me anything. It was written down.”

“Hmmm,” Wendy acquiesced, and Yeri felt the air in the room shift when the older girl went closer to take a seat beside her. Huh. Was Yeri always this perceptive, or was she about to pass out? “The offer still stands. I'm telling you now. Let me help you.”

Yeri didn't really put up much of a fight. She wasn't _failing_ or anything, in fact she was far from it, but academics chipped away at her mentally. It was a real bummer to be both physically and mentally exhausted. The other members didn't have it as harsh, since they'd already graduated.

Wendy helped her with math, teaching her shortcuts she never thought of. She helped her with science, making genetics seem like a breeze. She even helped her with literature.

“Did you study Korean literature?” she asked, her tone not quite accusing but something beneath it nonetheless. The older girl’s eyes quickly shifted to her. They were sitting closer now, and Yeri didn't know why. It wasn't like the other members would wake up with how quiet they were being. Sometime during the night, she placed a leg over Wendy’s thigh and bumped their shoulders but never pulled back.

“Not in the US, no. I studied it here.”

 _In the company, late in the evening after dance practice_ , went unsaid. If Yeri was working twice as hard as anyone else right now, Wendy worked thrice as hard as anyone back then. She had to, to remain the vocal star. They said her dancing needed work, and so she worked. They insisted her pronunciation had to be perfect and choppy Korean was absolutely not allowed. Even though Wendy wasn't a foreigner, not like their other sunbaes, she was still… foreign. It was obvious in the smallest of ways. She would use figures of speech that Yeri hasn't heard, translated roughly into their native tongue. Some of her jokes were the same type of humor from the West, too. Even her expressions, like that one time her clumsiness surprised them and her mouth kept blurting _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry_.

Wendy was a mosaic of different cultures all stitched together in one girl, who pulled through when it counted. _Especially_ when it counted. She was amazing.

 _She's still amazing_ , Yeri thought.

The rest of the members worked hard to prove they were the right bet, too. Irene had to win every game, to show that she was more than just her good looks. She had to be loud when she was needed, even though her strength was in her silence. Seulgi had to get back up again and again despite all those girls that trained later but debuted earlier than her. Joy had to prove that wasn't inferior in any way, even though she wasn't the main vocal, wasn't the main dancer, wasn't their center, wasn't even their visual. But Wendy had those obstacles as well. She may have been main vocalist, but she was last on the list when it came to dancing. She knew she didn't have the oriental visuals they did, either. Her obstacles must have felt like giant boulders. _You can't catch up to dancers who had years ahead of you. You can't change your face unless you wanted to admit that you did._

If Yeri had to climb mountains to get where she was now— to not be a weakness for Red Velvet in any way— Wendy had to traverse oceans. Yeri knew she was born with the face for an idol. She knew she could dance well, she could rap, she could sing, and she could compose. She had it… not easy, but not nearly as difficult.

“But it should be simple enough. We can work on it together. I should freshen up my memory, anyway.” Wendy smiled at her, face only inches away.

Yeri didn't understand why her chest felt so light, as if her lungs were ready to fly away. She simply hummed in reply, heart wild in her ribcage. _It's admiration_ , she thought. _That's all_.

 

* * *

 

February came, and with it were birthdays and promotions and performances of their new title track _Rookie_. The fans praised Wendy for her shape during their last era, so their managers made sure she kept that image. Otherwise, the fans would come after Wendy’s weight like vultures did dead meat. They all knew this. Yeri watched as Wendy was looking a little less lively than usual, and kept quiet. It was their job. It was the price of being a star.

She also noticed that her grades picked up ever since she started letting Wendy help her, but she had nothing to say about that, either.

 

* * *

 

Yeri didn’t really hate fan service. It was inconvenient, sure, but it wasn’t the _worst_ thing. It was a part of the contract that was typeset in bold and colored in red in the back of her mind, reminding her of all the things she had to fake to make it. If she had to do fan service, though, she didn’t mind it with Joy, because the woman was a touchy person in nature. The case was the same with Irene. With Seulgi, they always had a good laugh during and after, so that was all good too. It wasn't the act of doing it that Yeri hated. It was moments when she had to have them with Wendy.

_Kiss on the cheek._

Yeri’s mind went blank and had sirens going off simultaneously. I can’t believe this, she thought, whining and collapsing on the floor with tape marks on them. They were playing a board game and acted as the moving pieces for a show on SM Town. Yeri was partnered up with Wendy, Seulgi with Irene, and Joy was a 2D stand in the corner mocking them. Irene and Wendy looked on in confusion, at their maknae on the floor groaning in horror and at Seulgi near the back cackling so much she looked like she might vomit.

“What? What is it?”

“Kiss your partner on the cheek,” Seulgi said, and Yeri saw Wendy kind of short circuit too. Their leader screamed her high pitched laugh and jumped around, all the while Wendy and Yeri avoided each other’s eyes. Yeri knew why _she_ was doing it, but she didn’t know why the older girl was. _Quick, say something_.

She got up and looked towards the cameras, smile a little shaky. “Yeah, okay. I can do this.”

“She’s a minor! Isn’t this, like, illegal or something?” Wendy protested, taking a step back from Yeri with every step the other took forward. She almost rolled her eyes. Did Wendy forget what was written in that contract? Because Yeri sure didn’t, and there was nothing different from hers and theirs except the signature of her parents’ down at the bottom. “She’s a baby! She can’t be allowed to do this! I’m not a pervert!” Wendy whined some more, and Yeri felt herself frown as she stared at the other girl bumbling a mile a minute.

_I’m not a baby!_

“Hey, what the hell. Stop it already,” she spat out, forgetting that there were cameras. Wendy’s mouth quickly shut as her wide eyes snapped towards her.

The two remaining members stopped moving as well, watching with concerned expressions. Irene faced towards the camera crew. “Ah, please cut that part out.” she said, placing the giant wood blocks in one arm and shaking Yeri with the other. “Yerim-ah.”

Yeri stood up straighter. “She’s the one being overdramatic.”

“You were the one that collapsed on the floor.” Seulgi spoke up.

 _Oh, right_. “Whatever.”

“Enough. Wendy, come closer,” said their leader, motioning for Wendy to do just that. The other girl followed, not because Irene was their leader and she was the eldest, but because she was _Irene_ and Wendy would make an ice block melt in the middle of a snowstorm if Irene asked her to. It kind of ticked Yeri off, actually. She felt her side get poked by a finger and her eyes roamed to Seulgi, smile bright and sparkling. If it was Seulgi, Yeri wouldn’t mind, but it had to be Wendy of all people. Just her luck.

She had half a mind to chokeslam the smaller girl when Yeri wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and Wendy looked like she knew what she was thinking with the way she panicked and froze on the spot. _Ugh, let’s just get this over with_.

She leaned in and watched as Wendy’s face scrunched up even more. She forced herself to laugh. “She hates it whenever I kiss her.” she lied to the camera. Not about Wendy hating it, but the implication that Yeri regularly kisses her. She’d never kissed Wendy in her life. She gave her best stink eye, but the other girl's eyes were closed shut. With a grumble, she delicately placed her lips on the soft skin of the girl’s cheek, Irene’s hand on her head a little too late on the trigger because Yeri was already moving back after surprising herself with the loud smack she made. The screams of the other girls were drowned out by the lingering feeling of an intimate moment.

Yeri faked a big smile for the cameras, lips tingling and heart beating off-time once again.

 

* * *

 

The fans loved it. The managers decided that they would capitalize on the “WenRi” chemistry as much as possible. Her and Wendy were assured that this was only temporary. An experiment, of sorts. It’s not like the two had any connection other than being members of the same group.

It was for that reason that Yeri found herself constantly alone in the dorm with the other girl, manhandled by her contract into recording V LIVE sessions with just the two of them. Still, that didn’t mean she had to like it.

She pressed the end button and the session was done. That was exhausting. One, because she had to speak to a phone as if it was a person, and two, because it was plain tiring being around Wendy when her chest would constrict for a reason she couldn’t figure out. Beside her, Wendy let out a breath. “I’m so glad that’s over.” Yeri admitted. With the added responsibility of this WenRi stuff, she could hardly finish her homework. The days moved at a snail’s pace and Yeri was getting pissed over it.

Wendy chuckled, and Yeri’s lips pressed into a thin line as she lay on the couch, moving further away from the older girl. “Yeah, I-”

“Not really in the mood to talk more.”

“...Oh.”

She put on her earphones and started playing music instead. Anything to get out of the little chunk of the universe Wendy trapped her and her fluttering heart in. She closed her eyes in frustration.

The couch shifted a few minutes later and she felt a light pat on her fringe, imagining that the other girl walked away. Yeri had a note stuck to her forehead by the time she finished her playlist.

_Actually, SM water tastes kind of bland. I wish it were tastier.  
But you didn’t hear that from me. (・ω↼)_

 

* * *

 

Red Velvet’s five-woman formation was, theoretically, perfect. Joy would be at one end while Wendy would be on the other. It was great. What was even better was that to Joy’s left was Yeri, followed by Irene, followed by Seulgi, finally followed by Wendy. This meant that all Yeri had to do was look straight ahead at the camera and never have to see the blue-haired girl. It went without saying that this distribution was aesthetically pleasing to look at for the audience as well.

Awesome. Fantastic. Until Joy had to shoot for _The Liar and His Lover_ , and the four of them were left.

It was decided that the operations for WenRi were going to last until Rookie promotions ended, and therefore Wendy and Yeri would partner up in the new formation. _I can’t wait until Rookie is over_ , Yeri thought, riding on the edge of a mental breakdown. She was sure that she was about to snap. Maybe the sleepless nights were finally catching up to her.

She collapsed on her bed as soon as they got home after claiming their 7th win, face down and not even bothering to turn the lights on. She deserved this.

“Yerim-ah?”

She groaned in response. _Of course I wouldn't be that lucky_.

“Eat something first before you sleep. Your stomach will hurt if you don’t.”

Yeri refused to answer and placed a pillow over her head instead. She felt more than heard Wendy— the most careful among them, slow and steady and sure— pulling out a blanket and draping it over her form, tucking her into bed.

She thought about it for about a second, spurred on by the delirium sleeplessness incited. The older girl usually nagged her a bit more about getting her daily intake of food; she was a health freak in that way. _But_ , Yeri thought, _I guess if anyone would understand it would be her_. Wendy would know best how tired their youngest was. She was the one who stayed up making her food and helping her study. Wendy was the one who insisted she drink water in between songs, even though she was main vocalist and used her voice the most. Wendy was the one who pulled her close after a performance just to reassure her she sang well over the backtrack.

Wendy was the one whose cheek she kissed and liked it. Whose touch sent Yeri’s brain miles away. Whose gaze set her on fire.

Yeri should have been able to name this feeling much much earlier. She removed the pillow from her face as her eyes shot open, tracing Wendy’s silhouette by the door. It was the first time that the cloudy feeling in her chest was accompanied by her stomach dropping.

 _No, no, no. Please, anyone but Wendy_.

 

* * *

 

Yeri observed Seulgi’s eyes shift to the full plate she carried back to the kitchen, gaze merely passing over the note placed on the plastic wrap and zeroing in on the food. She was the only other girl up at this hour.

“Are you not eating that?”

“No. You can have it, unnie.”

Yeri peeled off the plastic, note included, and handed the plate over to the other girl.

 _Yerim-ah, eat. You make your unnie worry._  
_Please take care of yourself._  
_~Seungwan-unnie_

She ripped the note this time before throwing it, trying not to think about first loves and moonlight-pale cheeks and blue-tinted hair.

Yeri could have said something about her recent discovery, but, much like her treatment towards Wendy’s steadily shrinking figure, she refused to budge.

As promotions finished up and March and birthdays rolled in, they were informed by SM that any and all planned WenRi activities in the next era were to be scrapped. Red Velvet’s PR team determined that Yeri’s appeal was her youth and innocence, and to capitalize on romantic relations— even with other members— was a bad move in the long run. Yeri was both relieved and disappointed. Relieved that she no longer had to be forced into close proximity with Wendy and pretend she didn't like it; disappointed that, because her feelings weren’t realized earlier, she hadn’t gained anything from the deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINOR EDITING: Dec 31, 2018


	2. fluctuate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeri has some rationalizing to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINOR EDITING: Dec 31, 2018

* * *

II.

* * *

 

The end of March approached almost grudgingly, with each day twice as long, every second thrice as slow. Despite dawn breaking, the world seemed to sit still.

Yeri hummed and turned off the handheld camera before she zipped up her luggage. They were told that the four of them - Irene, Seulgi, Wendy, and her, because Joy could not participate due to filming - were to have their first reality show together called _Level Up! Project._ It was to be filmed in Bangkok and Pattaya, down, down, down, in Southeast Asia. Yeri has never been there, but she heard that Seulgi has with her family, once, when she was much younger.

Satisfied that she was all packed and ready to go, Yeri stepped out of her shared bedroom with Joy and into the living room with the rest of the older members. They were to leave in thirty minutes, but that was apparently not stopping the two eldest girls from cooking ramen for themselves. She blankly watched the commotion in the kitchen while Wendy took it upon herself to check over Yeri’s luggage like a frantic wife would.

Most times, Yeri had bad days when it came to Wendy. Her feelings for the older girl went to places Yeri didn’t want to follow to, and she was scared of coming to a point where she couldn’t stop herself from pulling away the moment Wendy came close. Wendy with her warm touch, her confident voice, her amazing presence. Yeri felt the chains holding her feelings back on the brink of breaking, and she was not ready for the aftermath. What would happen to the group? What would the fans do? What would Irene and Seulgi say? What would Joy think? What does _Wendy_ feel? She was terrified of a lot more things she didn't want to name, and on those bad days Yeri would avoid everyone - her own self most of all.

Sometimes, though, Yeri had good days.

Wendy stood back up beside her in the living room while Irene and Seulgi tried to turn on the camera for recordkeeping. “Are you all set, Yerim-ah?”

“Yes, unnie.”

“Okay, are you sure? You didn’t leave anything? We can’t come back for it.”

“No, unnie.”

“Did you bring light clothes? It’s really hot there in Thailand.”

“ _Yes_ , unnie.”

“I have cooling tissues just in case. Do you want some now?”

“ _No,_  unnie.”

“Can you keep some just in case? You get so sensitive to the weather.”

“ _Unnie._ ”

Wendy was a worrier, that much was obvious. Her brows were furrowed, lips bitten, eyes glazed with concern over the state of Yeri’s (admittedly messy) things and (admittedly dubious) blank face. The main vocalist looked like she was about to burst a vein thinking whether or not she was able to bring enough cooling tissues for the four of them and their several managers, even though she had bought more than two dozen the day before.

Wendy placed a one on the back of Yeri’s neck very, very carefully, even though it wasn't hot at all. It was a little annoying, but honestly, Yeri was endeared.

“You know I worry about you the most.”

…and Wendy concerning herself over Yeri was kind of cute, too. Yeri wasn't _purposely_ messy - she just naturally was a disaster in comparison to clean freaks - but if it caught Wendy’s attention, well, she’d take what she can get. On good days.

 _Loser,_ is what Yeri calls herself.

She sighed and took a few steps until there was barely space between them when the car arrives and they depart, arms close but not touching. If Wendy was reassured, Yeri didn’t check to see.

 

* * *

 

“Are you really going to wear that the entire time?” Wendy asked her once they arrived at the airport. The other girls were ahead as they moved to the gate, while Yeri and Wendy found themselves walking side by side.

“Why not?” Yeri challenged, looking down at her sweater, Irene and Seulgi’s heavy black blazers, then at Wendy’s thin summer dress. Spring was barely on its way towards them, so the temperatures were still low. She frowned when she considered that Wendy might have been feeling too cold, but realized that the older girl was probably used to even colder weather because she spent her childhood in Canada.

Yeri imagined a little Wendy, chubby-cheeked and bright-eyed, holding snow in her hand and licking maple syrup she froze herself in the white blanket that surrounded her house.

Wendy’s smirk brought her back to the present, and Yeri almost growled at her heart for skipping a beat. “You’ll see.” the older girl teases while Yeri rolls her eyes.

She doesn’t, at first.

Although the airport was full of warm bodies and a heating system, Yeri still felt the leftover frost of winter lurking their way into her veins. She looked at Seulgi and Irene who were already hugging each other to keep warm, and then to Wendy who didn’t seem to notice the chill. They settled on the plane without much fuss, Wendy and her partnering up as a result of the oldest girls being stuck together like glue.

Then, all of a sudden, she does.

Thailand’s heat was almost to the point of blistering - or at least it _felt_ like it. She heard Wendy snicker beside her but she was both too proud and shy to show she noticed; proud because she made Wendy smile like that, and shy because _she_ made _Wendy_ smile like that. The heat was a good excuse for Yeri’s flustered face, so at least she had one thing going for her.

Besides the weather being warm, so was Red Velvet’s reception by the gates. Seulgi went ahead, quickly followed by Irene. Wendy and Yeri were left behind, and both were the most excited by the fans. She almost hugged the older girl in delight at the high she got from seeing Thai fans greet them, only to pull back at the last second because why would she be hugging Wendy? She’d be more likely to strangle the girl in her excitement.

Later, in the car as they left the airport, Yeri let her gaze linger on the older girl for a little too long. Their main vocalist’s eyes were wide as she giddily waved outside, even though they couldn't be seen through the heavy tint. Yeri couldn’t help but stare in wonderment.

_If all my love had to go to just one person, why did it have to be you?_

 

* * *

 

Because she could have dealt with it fine if it was Seulgi.

Yeri should have felt like a creep, staring at the sleeping girl beside her. The four of them played a rigged game as soon as they arrived in the house they’d stay at, and it enabled her and Seulgi to share a room. Ever since WenRi operations were ceased Yeri found herself staying next to Wendy on camera less and less as time went by. It didn’t _bother_ her, per se, but… she groaned. _Not worth worrying over_ , she thought.

She watched Seulgi stretch and smirked while pulling the covers away from the older girl.

What part of Seulgi was there not to like? She was hardworking, patient, always positive, and really fun to be with. Yeri always had to fight back a smile whenever she caught Seulgi’s eyes, as if they were sharing a joke. Their bond wasn’t easy to explain in words.

Yeri moved closer and examined the monolidded girl’s features even more. She had none of the good-girl appeal that Wendy had in abundance. Seulgi looked... sharp, and dangerous. While both the 94-liners had beautiful voices, Wendy’s seemed like it had more body - especially when talking. Wendy was shorter, too, and fluffy in a way that was different from Seulgi’s eye smiles. These were all considerable reasons, but to Yeri, they didn’t explain much.

“You’re no help at all.” Yeri huffed as Seulgi let out a snore. In misplaced frustration, the youngest pulled on all the sheets until none remained on the older girl. They had to wake up in just an hour, anyway.

 

* * *

 

It would have been easy to dismiss her feelings for Irene, had they been there.

Yeri and Irene had many things in common. Both eldest sisters, both not fond of the same type of food, and both really _really_ scared of animals. She could have easily dismissed any feelings for their leader through rationalizing it as admiration that she took the wrong way.

It made sense for Yeri to admire Irene in the way she did Wendy.

Irene was everything Yeri was, but better. Older, wiser, more stable. If there was one woman Yeri had to choose to be like when she grew older, she wished to be more like Irene. That was why it was easy to just pass it off as glorification.

“I can’t do it. I can’t do it.” Irene kept repeating, watching in fear as other tourists ran and parasailed in the sky. Seulgi was determined to convince their eldest that there was really nothing to fear, but Irene’s eyes were trained on Wendy who was more than 20 feet above them.

When Wendy comes down and Irene takes her place to fly in the wind, it was Yeri’s turn to feel nervous. Unlike Seulgi’s futile reassurance for Irene, Wendy’s was working when it came to Yeri.

“You’ll start having fun before you even know it. Have some faith in them, and in yourself.” the older girl said, grinning from ear to ear.

Yeri couldn’t just deny her feelings for Wendy like she could if she were Irene - not while the feelings remained pumping through her blood like a lifeline that defined her. She doesn’t remember what it was like to _not_ like Wendy. That was the scariest part.

 

* * *

 

The trip flew by much quicker than expected. Before the week even ended, the girls were back in Seoul once again.

“Did you guys have fun?” Joy asked as soon as she saw Yeri, having just arrived from filming. The 96-liner dumped her things on her bed and flopped on top of the youngest, which in turn made Yeri stop and consider why she never ended up liking Joy.

Liking Joy made the most sense. She had a strong personality, was ambitious, and was not afraid to make a space all for herself in the heart of everyone she met. She was just like Yeri was, right now, young and facing the world by doing her best every day.

“Yeah, the food was really good.”

Yeri smiled when she heard Joy groan in envy on top of her. “Maybe Wan-unnie can recreate some of what you guys had…”

“Maybe. I’m sure the recipes are all online.”

“Did someone say my name?” they heard from the door, and it was a voice that rang alarm bells in Yeri’s mind. In her blind panic, their youngest pushed Joy until the older girl fell off the bed with a soft _oof_.

“Owww…” Yeri heard Joy groan and watched Wendy help pick her up amusedly. The 96-liner wasn’t fragile enough that a simple fall would give her bruises, but Yeri still felt bad. “What was that for? Dummy,” the actress teased, rapping her knuckles against Yeri’s head playfully.

“Be careful, Sooyoung-ie.”

“It wasn’t me!”

Yeri watched Wendy’s hand lift from her side and rub at Joy’s arm, feeling something awful pooling in her stomach. She should’ve been feeling jealous that Wendy got to touch Joy that way, even though the actress was literally on top of Yeri just a few seconds ago. But she wasn’t. Instead she wished she was in Joy’s place.

“Come, come, Seulgi and Joohyun-unnie brought back presents for you.” Wendy smiled, pulling Joy along. Yeri just watched them go.

It should have been Joy, but instead it was Wendy and Yeri _hated_ it; because looking at Wendy hurt in ways she couldn’t explain and made her do things she didn’t want to do.

 _Like act like a speechless idiot_ , she thought morosely, palming her face in embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

_“We heard you have a new single out now!”_

_“Yes. Please continue to support us and listen to our new single,_ Would U _.”_

_“What is this song about? Could you describe it for us?”_

_“It is a medium tempo pop song that fits the spring season and expresses the shy heart of a girl who is waiting for her love to come true. We hope our fans like it!”_

_“Ah, amazing. It’s perfect for spring, don’t you think? And were all your members part of this single?”_

_“Unfortunately, due to schedule conflicts, Joy was unable to participate. We kindly ask our fans to show their support by watching her drama-”_

 

* * *

 

Yeri took a sip from her iced coffee as they were getting ready to leave the radio show. Wendy was beside Seulgi and Irene was up front, so she squeezed herself into the backseat of the car by the monolidded girl’s other side.

The single they mentioned on the show was their first single for this year, and she heard there were talks between management that CEO Lee Soo-man would be handling them come summer. It seemed the digital success of _Rookie_ took the entire company by surprise. As a result, Red Velvet had to get ready for whatever SM decided next after _Would U_. If March felt like swimming through mud, Yeri felt like April was flying by.

 _A spring love song,_ she pondered. It seemed cliché and predictable, but what does Yeri know. _I’m probably just bitter_ , she thought grumpily, eyes roaming over Wendy and the blooming city outside.

“Can I have some of that?”

She furrowed her brows and looked at Seulgi, who was pouting at her while reaching out for her drink. _It’s always about food and drinks with this silly unnie_ , Yeri thought, amused. “Why didn’t you get some on your own?” Yeri grumbled but passed over the cold drink with a smile.

“Seungwan was feeling tired and wanted to get back to the dorm ASAP.”

Oh. That wasn’t unusual. Yeri took a second look at Wendy, who had her earphones in and eyes trained on the passing scenery of Seoul traffic. What _was_ unusual was how much paler and thinner their main vocalist seemed as time went by. Yeri reached over Seulgi and poked Wendy’s side. “Want some?” she asked and pointed to the drink.

Wendy looked like she was about to say yes, but her eyes snapped to the front seat before landing back on Yeri. She sent her a sheepish smile and shook her head.

The youngest pursed her lips but said nothing.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, stranger.”

Yeri twirled a pen around her finger and looked up from the table, already accepting the weird twilight zone that the world entered this time of night. _3:12am._  It seemed Wendy had a habit of being awake when Yeri was working, and something about these early hours made the two of them act differently around one another - like they were closer than they actually were.

 _Yeah, no, I’m probably just really tired_ , she thought, watching Wendy sit beside her and feeling the older girl’s fingers gently caress her lower back.

“Hi, unnie,” she replied, leaning in towards Wendy’s warmth.

She heard the other girl hum before the frowning at Yeri’s illegible notes. “Working hard again, I see.” she remarked amusedly while spreading out the papers Yeri only half-heartedly fixed due to her own exhaustion. The pile included everything she missed this semester, and then some.. It was difficult living the idol life while living in a society where intellectual elitism existed and was actually practiced.

She let her heavy-lidded eyes roam over Wendy’s face, wondering how it felt to be a girl with a genius IQ and a bigger heart to boot, all while being blessed with an angelic voice. Yeri was smart, sure, but it was a fact that Wendy was just that much quicker on the uptake, smarter, and more conscious of everything going on. And Yeri tried her best to be nice and accommodating, but Wendy was almost _too nice_ \- if she wasn’t as shy as she was, Yeri was sure everyone would be singing praises of Wendy’s kindness and manners like they did Seulgi’s.

The older girl staying up and helping Yeri study was just one example out of thousands.

“Yeah… I have an exam coming up...” Yeri admitted, rubbing an eye as she yawned and leaned against Wendy even more. She was sure she was only acting like this because their dorm at night physically changed during witching hour, because what else could explain it? Certainly not the fact that she was dead on her feet and Wendy’s arms seemed to be inviting her to cuddle. Absolutely not.

“No schedule conflicts?” Wendy asked, wrapping said arm around her.

The maknae wondered if Wendy was aware that she was lulling Yeri to sleep with her actions. “No…” she felt herself dozing off. It was kind of embarrassing. She was on a five-hour study streak, but one touch from the older girl and she was melting into a puddle.

She felt Wendy run fingers through her hair, and that was the moment Yeri knew she was a goner, with dreamland insisting on taking her away from the woman’s embrace.

 _Go to sleep now. I’ll take care of you_ , she thought she heard Wendy say, but she wouldn’t be able to tell if it was real or her own imagination as darkness quickly took over.

 

* * *

 

The next time she attended class, Yeri opened her textbook to find a note slipped in between one of the pages.

_You can do it, Yerim-ah!_

_Fighting!! (  • ̀ω • ́)ﻭ_

She folded it neatly and tucked it into her pocket, trying her hardest to fight back the smile that accompanied her warm cheeks.

 

* * *

 

Yeri could feel it under her skin that today was a bad one.

She never claimed to be brave. She was frightened by more things than she was not; whether they were mammals, reptiles, weird-looking animals, or stuffed toys resembling weird-looking animals, they freaked her out. This put her right behind Irene in the scaredy-cat list, because although Yeri was easily frightened, Irene is the type to scream from the sight of her own shadow.

Even in video games, she was terrified. Those didn’t even come with _real_ confrontations, and it wasn’t like she would die if her character did. Seulgi would often make fun of her during their co-op missions, saying _if all you’re going to do is hide in a dumpster, might as well not play_. It was kind of embarrassing, and Seulgi never let her live it down when the older massacred the enemy team that was right outside Yeri’s hiding spot while Yeri herself tried not to cry.

She knew she was a coward, but she didn’t think her fear of the unknown would be the source of her own misery.

“Irene, Yeri, please switch places.”

The leader and maknae both followed their manager easily, slipping into the other’s seat. Today they were filming the acoustic version of _Would U_ on SM Station Season 2 _._ Seulgi was on one end, in front of the pianist, next to Irene, who was next to Yeri, and their formation finally ended with Wendy. Since Wendy and Seulgi did the main vocal parts in this song, it made sense to have them at both ends. This would allow the cameras to focus on the vocal line while making sure to include the rap line as well.

“Sorry to ask it of you again, ladies.”

The members looked amongst themselves themselves, preparing for what came next. _This means_...

As if hearing her thoughts, their manager continued. “This music video will include as much moments between Wendy and Irene as possible. Test groups returned with data concerning our ratings and the best solution right now is… well, you already know. It will be WenRene this time.”

 _Romantic content, without being obvious. An idol has this task in spades._ Yeri was able to accept baiting the fans very early on, and was thankful in the first few years that the fans were ethical enough to exclude her from these imagined love affairs between the members due to her age. Their WenRi operation of the previous era was new, and eventually, determined to be an endeavor that would backfire. It was mostly the unnie line’s job anyway - Irene most of all.

“It’s okay, oppa,” Irene said, face calm as usual.

Wendy nodded, though with a little more enthusiasm than necessary because it was _Irene,_ of course. If there was one person who put Irene on a pedestal more than Yeri did, it was Wendy. Yeri almost rolled her eyes in exasperation. “We understand, and it’ll be easy. This gives me a better view of Joohyun-unnie as well.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” their manager smiled in relief. No matter what was expected of idols, it was a difficult thing to do and ask. Yeri’s eyes avoided Wendy’s and fell to Seulgi, who always had a bright smile ready for her. She smiled back. “Okay, you know your jobs.”

Red Velvet was nothing if not perfectly professional when it came to work. Yeri especially lived and breathed being a star - it was a consequence of debuting so early. She didn’t mind, though, not if it meant she got to live her dreams like this.

They sang live over pre-recorded audio, and she was sure that the fans would be impressed. Wendy and Seulgi were vocal phenoms while Irene was a beast when it came to rapping. The filming went on and on for hours, with the camera crews adjusting and her and her members providing adlib when they felt like it. It was a perfect jamming session, and it seemed like even the musicians helping them out were enjoying themselves.

The cameras focused on Irene smiling at Wendy, and Wendy smiling back. Seulgi focused on her singing, and Yeri concentrated on not letting her eyes linger on Wendy’s lips for too long.

The hollow feeling in her chest felt so close to consuming her every time her unnies locked eyes. _I’m afraid_. She almost laughed to herself, watching Wendy look at Irene like she held the fabrics of the universe in her smile. _I’m absolutely terrified of wanting something - someone - that will never be mine._

After they were done and thanked the staff, the four of them made their way to the car. Just like she usually did on bad days where her self-deprecating thoughts scared her out of her own mind, Yeri gave no acknowledgement to Wendy’s palm on her back or her quiet _nice work_.

 

* * *

 

_For Yerim-ah._  
_Hope your test went well._  
_I made too much food for myself… ( ･ｪ･) Have some!_  
_~Seungwan-unnie_

Yeri looked around the room, holding the note between two fingers. “Seulgi-unnie, did you guys eat before I got home?” she asked, still wearing her backpack and clad in her uniform in the middle of the kitchen. She just arrived at the dorm and had no reason to hurry and change; they were informed that the rest of April would be downtime until Joy returned.

Seulgi looked up from her phone as she lay on the couch. Their youngest heard the familiar sounds of a multiplayer game from the device. “Yeah, though Joohyun-unnie and I got food elsewhere and hung out there. We got back just before you.”

“Seungwan-unnie was the only one here then?”

“That’s right.”

Yeri hummed in reply as the older went back to her game. She let her eyes slowly roam over the kitchen, from the prepared food, past the cooking appliances, to the recently opened pantry. She delicately folded the note before placing it beside her food.

Wendy was a great cook, but she absolutely abhorred and avoided washing plates whenever possible. If the older girl had just finished eating - which was _most likely_ , because the meal was still very much warm - the least Yeri could do in thanks was clean up for her. Carefully, Yeri dropped her school bag in the corner and made her way past the fridge to the other side, stopping when she was in front of the sink.

There were no plates to wash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time.
> 
> Support ReVel Up Subs (please) and watch [Would U Acoustic version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88VRss2U4Lk) (if you’d like). Lots of parts I’m not pleased with in the least in this chapter. I’ll check back in later when I’m in a different state of mind and maybe with a beta in tow. (Edited: 14/06/18)
> 
> To make up for the long wait for this chapter, I posted a one-shot entitled _[white memories](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14901320)_. Though there are no overlaps, the one-shot can somewhat accompany this fic since it doesn't concern WenRi. In fact, it actually revolves around Irene and _you._
> 
> Maybe I should post a one-shot every update?
> 
> Until next time,  
> ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ


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